How Do You Love Someone Past Their Pain?

When I got home, I walked into my apartment and it smelled heavenly. My boyfriend wanted to surprise me with dinner and he made Posole in the slow cooker, it was freaking delicious and the best part is that there is so much of it! I will definitely be enjoying this tomorrow for lunch and also for dinner!

I wondered what did I do to deserve this and as if he read my mind, he replied, “you’ve been doing all of the things these past few weeks and I wanted to cook you dinner!” I swear I truly have the most wonderful boyfriend and I’m just so grateful for him. He’s been my rock during my lows and also my highs and I know that I can always count on him.

When you are in a healthy and loving relationship, you will always have someone to lean on during the good times and especially during the bad times. This is especially true when you suffer from anxiety and depression. When you can’t count on yourself and you worry that you are too much of a burden to be around, it’s important to know that your partner has got your back, your front, and your middle.

But what happens when your partner is falling apart and needs you? How do you support someone when for them, every day and every task is a challenge?

Supporting someone who suffers from depression is not always the easiest thing to do, but I believe that people who do support and who do love their partners during the lowest points of their lives are truly special, they show a love that is so deep it goes beyond themselves and beyond their partner’s pain.

Woman's Eye

My boyfriend has always helped to bring me back to life when I’ve fallen into hopelessness, and there was a time where I had to be his support system as well and the secret to loving and helping someone who suffers from depression is simple. It’s a carefully balanced combination of love, patience, and time.


The love part is easy, you fell in love with them for a reason, perhaps it was their smile, their mind, their humanity? Whatever the reason, the love you share will be the biggest motivation for them to come back even when they themselves can’t find it. It is also precisely the reason that you will do all that you can to see them come back into the light.

Adorable Affection


Although there is no one size fits all for depression, your partner will most likely retreat into themselves. The most important thing that you can do is be patient while they try to work their way out of their own minds.

Gently encourage them to participate in activities that they once enjoyed. Take one for the team and pick up more of the chores, trust me, they may not be able to even get out of bed. You can help by making sure the environment is welcoming and inviting.

When I have been depressed in the past, it was such a relief knowing that my boyfriend picked up more. It was just one less thing I had to worry about and that was a true gift for me!


Depression, like all wounds, takes time to heal. Your partner will be struggling to win a battle with their own mind and emotions and no matter how much you love them, it’s a battle that only they can fight. What you can do, is give them the time to deal with how they are feeling.

Be their cheerleader and let them know you are there. The pressure to “get back to normal” is already overwhelming, especially if they have a job and can’t bear to go in. It will mean the world to them to know that they are not rushed to get well by you.

So if you find that your partner is struggling with depression, the best thing that you can do is just be there. Be loving, be patient, and give them time to get well.

The secret to loving and helping someone who suffers from depression is simple. It’s a carefully balanced combination of love, patience, and time.

Depression is hard, fighting depression alone is even harder. If you or someone you know is depressed and suicidal please reach out for help to a trusted therapist or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. It provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress. It also provides prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, you can reach them here at 1-800-273-8255 and on their website here.

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3 thoughts on “How Do You Love Someone Past Their Pain?

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